Growing paranoid of my friend group

Topic by hollowtips

Hollowtips

Home Forums Relations~~~s Growing paranoid of my friend group

This topic contains 10 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by Handsome Vic  Handsome Vic 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
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  • #935835
    +11
    Hollowtips
    hollowtips
    Participant
    704

    I recently came to the realization that because of my current friends I’ve had for about the past 11 years I’ve never really made any real friends since then. Anyone who expressed interest me in highschool they basically made fun of and I realize I have a small circle where no one is supportive of me or my goals or even interested in them. They’re both selfish and I’ve realized out of the 3 I sat the lowest in the group in terms of status until the past year or so. I saved a lot of money while they f~~~ed around and I don’t know if the fact that the gap between us is so large financially now that I’m able to see them for more of who they truly are. They’ve always been extremely competitive socially and will strive to be the loudest person in a conversation. I was always a lot more lowkey and laid back and it’s things like this where our personalities were polar opposites I realized.

    We were all drinking a couple weeks ago and I got this chilling feeling down my back that I can’t describe it was almost like I realized this whole time they’d been laughing at me and not with me, and didn’t have much respect for me at all. Here I am in my late 20’s realzing a huge part of why I haven’t had much happiness because I’ve associated myself with them and tried to do things they enjoy instead of what fulfils myself.

    One of them dropped out of highschool and while he was intelligent he hasn’t actually done anything in the 10 years since dropping out. No business, no university nothing. I’m scared that it’s rubbed off on me, as I’ve never been that ambitious and have been depressed for most of my time knowing them (he’s been depressed as well). I’ve been pretty silent to them lately and am realizing I need to at the very least limit my time contacting them if not outright ending the friendship. Theirs nothing I stand to gain by contining to associate with them other than wasting more time.

    I feel really angry and ashamed of myself for not noticing something sooner. The past 3 years of my life I was off doing my own thing and it’s the most I’ve grown since being an adult (granted it was also the first time I was single since highschool as well), and now that I’ve moved to being around them more it feels like my growth is being eroded.

    #935836
    +8
    FrankOne
    FrankOne
    Participant
    1898

    If these friends aren’t FUN ditch them. Friends that drive you to improve can be good. Sounds like they don’t have your back. Another good reason to bail.

    I kept my finances to myself in my 20’s. I earned more than my friends. But probably only 30 or 40% more. I didn’t talk about savings and investments with them. They would joke about me being cheap sometimes, or why I drove a ‘junk’ car. But by the age of 30 my net worth was already a million dollars. That is what happens when you save and invest 75%+ of your income year after year. They didn’t know that, either. If they preferred drinking away their 20’s, buying sports cars, and then finding an equally financially irresponsible spouse or girlfriend, that was THEIR choice.

    Good on you for saving a lot of money. KEEP saving and invest. You will be glad you did when you’re my age (fifty).

    #935841
    +11
    The Black Scorpion
    The Black Scorpion
    Participant
    2829

    Well, I’m 45 years old and I realize I’ve never had a true friend in my life.

    Sure, there are people that I’ve hung out with in the past, but there was never any connection.

    I’ve tried, but I simply don’t relate to people.

    And the time, effort, energy and money I’ve WASTED trying to make friends….all for nothing. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze.

    It’s like trying to push a square peg into a round hole – just isn’t happening for me.

    In my 45 years one thing I know for sure – the vast percentage of the human race are highly toxic and a complete waste of time.

    I (and you) are better off without them.

    Just like the other poster, I am focusing on MYSELF now and I am the #1 priority in my life. I’ve never been happier.

    You will make great progress toward your goals and gain more peace of mind the quicker you wean yourself off the addiction to other people.

    Swallow the Red Pill and you will discover that friendships, just like relationships with women are vastly overrated.

    The greatest tragedy in life is to spend your whole life fishing only to discover that it was not fish you were after. - Henry David Thoreau

    #935843
    +8
    Secret Agent MGTOW
    Secret Agent MGTOW
    Participant
    24579

    Not all genuine friends are lifelong friends. there’s no rule that a friend must be a friend for life.

    Other things in your life may cause a friendship to come to a conclusion. Some are just circumstantial. Both people go to different colleges and things change. someone gets married and the focus of their life changes. People wind up living very far away from each other and the relationship changes.

    What you are trying to determine is if they were ever really your friends in the first place, it sounds.

    I would say remove yourself from them for awhile, calm yourself about it, get out of your hypersensitivity/hyperanalyzation of it, and then look at everything from a more unbiased objective view. Like you were analyzing someone else’s relationship, more detached and more unaffected.

    Women want everything, but want responsibility and accountability for nothing.

    #935845
    +4
    Gravel Pit
    Gravel Pit
    Participant

    Alien 3 Marketing Poster

    as I’ve never been that ambitious

    Im about 5 years older than you but I relate …

    1st. Our generation will always be poor, unaccomplished, barely getting by paycheck to paycheck. It doenst matter if you went to college or earn more. That just means you spend more on fancier sh!t and still live paycheck to paycheck trying to pay for it all… But its not like Frank’s generation, where the getting was good in decades prior… just my opinion… if you’re not already making six-figures or own real estate by 30, you probably never will, especially Millennials. We wont own much of anything until they pass it on to us, and we’ll be in our late 60s before that happens. Expect to be poor till then…

    2nd. The LENS of seeing people gets skewed by personality, subjectivity, fear, politics etc… People are people, including your friends/nonfriends… Imagine what you look like to them! Or how you appear online to people. Like that squirrel avatar thing … We have no idea who you are, but I bet youre just like everyone else.. People see skin, clothes or ‘isolated incidents taken out of context’ and they ASSUME much about people.

    At the end of the day, theyre just humans too. None of us are going anywhere in a hurry, No one is getting richer or smarter. Everyone is “in a funk” especially young people who got royally screwed over this year. What the fvck does anyone have to look forward to? This is why we’re seeing Suicide rates SOAR. Ofcourse, its all getting buried by the media… but Inceldom and Poverty were already bad, COVID made it worse. Now its suffocating people.

    Remember, bad feelings are temporary. Sometimes I have trouble remembering that I do have MUCH that others do not. And even without friends, sex or money.. I still have spirit for creativity … Im pretty sure Ill end up as a relapsed drunk and commit suicide someday though. HAHAHAHHA. Life is really bad right now and its looking like we’re headed into a civil war. Not kidding. One day at a time pal. EASY DOES IT.

    Lately Ive been rearranging furniture to liven the place up. Watching some old movies from the 70s and 80s and some from the 40s too. I watched the African Queen the other night.

    man up means man down

    #935860
    +7
    Monk
    Monk
    Participant
    19972

    I saved a lot of money while they f~~~ed around and I don’t know if the fact that the gap between us is so large financially now that I’m able to see them for more of who they truly are.

    In other words, you can now see that you are more successful than they are.

    They’ve always been extremely competitive socially and will strive to be the loudest person in a conversation.

    Empty barrels make the most noise.

    I feel really angry and ashamed of myself for not noticing something sooner.

    I think we’ve all done that – the difference being that most people never realise that most of the people around them are a waste of space.

    … and now that I’ve moved to being around them more it feels like my growth is being eroded.

    In a MGTOW context this is usually applied to wimmin – getting rid of the dead weight that is the modern female. But it’s generally applicable too.

    #935861
    +6
    Monk
    Monk
    Participant
    19972

    Well, I’m 45 years old and I realize I’ve never had a true friend in my life.

    It is said that if you have one true friend in your life, you are fortunate. I have had such a friend, someone who I knew without a doubt would have taken a bullet for me.

    He died a few years back and I do not expect to find another like him.

    In my 45 years one thing I know for sure – the vast percentage of the human race are highly toxic and a complete waste of time.

    Yep. That’s the main reason I gave up political activism. Not only are they too dumb to be saved, they are so dumb they shouldn’t be saved.

    I am now a paid up member of the Going Galt Party.

    #935863
    +8
    743 roadmaster
    743 roadmaster
    Participant

    All kinds of studies that show the group will pull you in their direction. You want to advance make a clean break, more friends can always be made.

    mgtow is its own worst enemy- https://www.campusreform.org/

    #935864
    +5
    TG
    TG
    Participant

    All kinds of studies that show the group will pull you in their direction. You want to advance make a clean break, more friends can always be made.

    I heard it as you are the average of the five people closest to you. If you spend a bunch of times with losers you will become a loser. If you spend time with driven people you will become driven. Sounds like you don’t want to go in the same direction as the people around you. It’s seriously okay to spend less time with them. Doesn’t mean they are bad people and doesn’t mean they aren’t your friends, just means that you are going in a different direction.

    Get used to it. Going your own way means going YOUR own way. It isn’t going to be the same for any of us. But eventually you’ll find a new friend or two that get it. They are probably struggling the same as you right now.

    1st. Our generation will always be poor, unaccomplished, barely getting by paycheck to paycheck. It doenst matter if you went to college or earn more. That just means you spend more on fancier sh!t and still live paycheck to paycheck trying to pay for it all… But its not like Frank’s generation, where the getting was good in decades prior… just my opinion… if you’re not already making six-figures or own real estate by 30, you probably never will, especially Millennials. We wont own much of anything until they pass it on to us, and we’ll be in our late 60s before that happens. Expect to be poor till then…

    I respectfully disagree. Just my opinion, but I think there’s a back up at the top of Boomers in their mid 60’s that won’t retire. And why should they? They’ve got a bunch of Gen X right behind them busting their ass to get their job when they do finally decide to step down. But why step down when everyone below you is busting their ass and you’re the one who gets all the cash and prizes? But in the next 5 years or so they will be forced out and everyone younger will move another step up the ladder. It’s coming.

    I’m 56. My boss is 67 and finally stepping down next year. To be replaced by a guy that is 59. I’ll never get to the top of the ladder. But the 40 year old behind me will. In six years when the next guy steps down it won’t make sense to give me the job for two years, so he’ll get it. And good for him, he’s a good dude. I’ll be fine supporting him to make sure he is set up for success on my way out the door. But the tail end of the Boomer / start of Gen X will be the ones that never get to the top.

    Keep grinding, it’s coming. Again, just my opinion, I could be wrong. But the glut of Boomers screwed things up for everyone behind them. That said, the closer you are to the tail end of the Boomer age the worse off you are.

    Order the good wine

    #935866
    +8
    Ranger One
    Ranger One
    Participant
    17656

    I feel really angry and ashamed of myself for not noticing something sooner. The past 3 years of my life I was off doing my own thing and it’s the most I’ve grown since being an adult (granted it was also the first time I was single since highschool as well), and now that I’ve moved to being around them more it feels like my growth is being eroded.

    Better noticing it now than later.
    Sounds like you need new friends.
    Hell, its better to have NO friends than BAD friends or bad INFLUENCE friends.

    All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.

    #935912
    +3
    Handsome Vic
    Handsome Vic
    Participant
    1959

    Hey hollowtips, good post.
    Don’t beat yourself up for not realizing things sooner. Friendships change, it’s normal, and you’ve probably been a good friend to them in the meantime.

    If you have always been the one to bend to doing what they enjoy, maybe everybody got used to that pattern. No big deal if you want to assert yourself more and rewrite the dynamic a bit. Real friends will accommodate.

    On the other hand, you say they haven’t ever given a damn about you & your goals. If that’s true that says an awful lot.

    Deep down you’ll know if they are genuine friends. Do you enjoy their company? Have they been there for you in a pinch? Would you be there for them?

    Life has plenty of room for making new friends, especially at your young age.

    I would say remove yourself from them for awhile, calm yourself about it, get out of your hypersensitivity/hyperanalyzation of it,

    I agree, this is a good piece of advice.

    Good luck!

    I'm going my own way. Maybe I'll see you there.

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