Roughly 1 year ago, I was emancipated… somewhat

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Gerald

Home Forums Marriage & Divorce Roughly 1 year ago, I was emancipated… somewhat

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  • #880213
    +6
    Gerald
    Gerald
    Participant
    3084

    As we approach the first anniversary of my emancipation, I have been reflecting back on how blind, stupid and forcefully ignorant I was with my blue pill lens on. For those who do not know my story let me explain how dangerous and blinding the blue pill can be.

    All of my life I was taught to respect and pedestalize women. I waited until very late in life to marry, and when I did it was for very white-knight reasons. My widow was in her mid-30’s, raising a 5 year old daughter, she had with an abusive Chad, whom she had married and subsequently divorced. She was shy, not very attractive physically (had lost an excessive amount of weight) and in general a bitchy drunk. I had known her many years before in my party stages and I felt I could help improve her life and that of her daughter by marrying her and showing them a better world.

    The first few years were good. The daughter came out of her shell a bit, my widow opened up to me and we were happy. We bought a house, new cars, had good schooling for the girl, and in general lived well. We attended family get togethers (she had a large family) and travelled as a family. We went on honeymoon renewal trips, etc. I was content and felt I was doing right, even though I was subverting things I wanted to do, I figured it was sacrifice for the family.

    About four years in trouble began brewing. She was fired from her job, showed no signs of wanting to get another one, and became lax in many respects. She stopped caring for us as a family, becoming depressed and sleeping at all hours. Then the drinking started in earnest. She became distraught that I didn’t want to take her out to bars, when every time we went to one she started a fight with someone. We began fighting frequently, and she became enamored with her ‘devices’. This was my first point where I should have quickly exited the situation.

    After another unsuccessful job round, this time working with family where she became legally embattled with them, and us taking on more debt through her parents, things quickly became worse. She attempted suicide, drank all night every night and detached from the family, having phone sex with persons online through a gaming community she belonged to. She became combative when confronted about the drugs and drinking, and claimed we needed a change. This was another point where I should have exited the situation.

    But, me being the blue-pilled white knight that I was, decided to play along. I felt that if things were bad, they would get better, if we could just change scenery. After completing another advanced degree, I took a new job out of state to improve it. So we moved… across the country.

    In the new state things didn’t change. She continued to lack for a job, feeling worthless and drinking heavily. I became deeply tied up in the new job, working 65+ hours a week, and this was her excuse to slack on doing anything. When we did go out, she rarely took time to get ready and always wanted to stay too long until she was way too drunk. After a few months of this I quit asking her to go out. This prompted more strife as she felt I was ‘cheating on her’ by attending work events without her. This was another point where I should have exited. Debt was piling up and I became very unhappy.

    We moved again, for another job, thinking our fresh start hadn’t worked out because of the hours and the distance from family. This move prompted more visits back to the original home, as we were within driving distance, and more time apart. I knew of her troubles and let this slide, thinking family will help her get her s~~~ together and help us improve. It didn’t. Time apart started growing, with more than a month apart at times. This should have been another point where I exited the relationship.

    Next she returned to our home, but was followed there by an acquaintance… one who was male. When she spent the week off and on with him, ignoring us, but claiming there was nothing going on, I should have exited the relations~~~ right then and there. When I finally confronted her about it, she left with him. Another chance I had to walk away and didn’t, thinking the marriage still had a chance.

    After her return, a few weeks later, and some medical issues, we separated. She took the car and some things, but promised to return after she worked some things out. She broke off her friendship (or so I was told) with the guy who had visited her and she was living alone, in another state, working on her issues (or so I was told).

    After a failed holiday gathering, where she wouldn’t meet with me and the daughter after we travelled to where she was, I was all but done. Even my blue-pill conditioning was wearing off. Yet, I didn’t file for divorce or end it. I took her back. I even went to the home she was staying in, out of state, living with this asshole, and picked her up to bring her home. I believed the lie that they were not intimate, thinking we could save this marriage and get our s~~~ together. This is another point I should have walked away.

    She came back home for a while, then left again. This time I felt it was truly over and I began planning my exit. A month or so later she was back, and things were good for a short bit. Then the real coffin nail… an extra device I had around, she had used to help someone remotely fix their Messenger. I was watching TV, she was drunk and sleeping on the couch, but had left the device on (probably on purpose). I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, and scrolled back through the feed, to find multiple instances of phone sex, actual sex being talked about and verified as having happened and more. I was floored. I woke her up and threw her out. I was done… but the blue pill wasn’t done with me yet. I just couldn’t overcome the conditioning.

    She moved back to her homestead and took up her life there. I kept depositing money thinking I had to, being her husbank. Around this time I found MGTOW, and I started understanding where I went wrong. The Red Pills were harsh, but I still couldn’t fully accept them. I saw a divorce lawyer and had papers drawn up but couldn’t pull the trigger. I was working two jobs, supporting households now in three states, and falling more behind each month. After 6 months of this, and believing I could finish the divorce after refinancing some debt with her, the holidays were upon us. Of course, she visited for the first one, claiming things were improving for her and all of her indiscretions were over… and my blue pill mind knew it was a lie but gave it a chance anyway. I fell into the pussy trap and slept with her. I believed the stories that she was being chaste and that we were still going to have a chance. She left a week into it, after some made up bulls~~~ fight, and we headed towards Christmas.

    I went to her for Christmas, finding a disasterous household, where the heat was barely on, no presents and no woman. I intended to be there for the two days before Christmas through the day after, spending time together and working things out. After a Christmas eve where she wasn’t even present (she left to go get some last minute presents and didn’t return until after midnight, then stayed in another room of the house), I was done. I went to wake her on Christmas morning and couldn’t. Her drunk and drug induced state was to catatonic. I left – I was finally done.

    Driving eight hours to home on Christmas day, abandoning my daughter there with her (she was an adult now) and my family obligations to return to a silent, lonely apartment 400 miles away, facing two jobs and crushing debt, with no hope of reconciliation, I was just done. I was surprised I survived that day… suicide was seriously contemplated… but the blue pill wasn’t done with me yet. I should have just walked away, left everything I own, taken the money in my pockets and left. Driven until the gas ran out and started over.

    The blue pill conditioning was strong and continued…

    Three days later I received the call that she had died. Still married to me, her boyfriend awoke to find her dead in the morning after heart failure likely caused by the meth they had done the day before. He was so high and drunk he never heard her die less than 20 foot from him. She died a horrible death on the floor. Yet the blue pill carried on… and I paid for a funeral, gave a eulogy, attempted to help her family through this…

    And that was another chance to just walk away…

    I am still to this day, nearly a year later, cleaning up the mess. Finding remnants of her messed up double life, f~~~ing Chads and doing s~~~ she shouldn’t have. Am still dealing with the estates, the f~~~ing mess of bills, the pictures and messages from men she was sleeping with, the financial stupidity, etc… and yet the blue pill still makes me think every once in a while I should have done something different.

    Think about that. I gave this woman everything. A home, actually… multiple homes. A good life for her and her daughter. I supported her physically, emotionally and financially through bulls~~~ that no man should be paying for. I went through counseling, supported medical treatments (hers), helped her family, bought her everything she could have wanted. I expected little in return other than companionship and some sex occasionally…

    All traditional blue pilled life and expectations…

    And I ended up holding the f~~~ing bag full of her drug induced, depressive, narcissistic unfaithful bulls~~~. And will hold it for years… as the financial fallout continues. The daughter has told me everyone knew… everyone thought I should know… and no one told me. The daughter has left and told me I was stupid and still am and has broken all contact with me. I ended up with a huge amount of debt, an estate I can’t resolve, and more.

    MEN. ALL OF YOU WHO ARE LURKING. Hear me… Hear me well.

    Maintain your sovereignty. Maintain your own world, your own desires, your own financial well-being. While it may be fine to have a minimal relationship with a woman, if you can manage it without becoming emotionally vested, do not provide for them. Do not cohabitate with them. Do not marry them. And do not father children with them. If you feel the need to help a child, adopt one. Sponsor one through an assistance agency (Big Brothers, etc.). Do not take on burdens for a woman’s life. Live for yourself, build yourself, strengthen yourself. Support your fellow men, support homeless shelters and vets who are struggling. BUILD. BUILD S~~~ THAT LASTS.

    I always wanted a legacy, a life well lived that showed the world I WAS A GOOD MAN.

    I had one, gave it everything I had, doing what my blue-pilled, white knighted mind thought was correct… and it was all a fallacy. That GOOD MAN fallacy has rotted away… now I know that to be a GOOD MAN, hell… a GREAT MAN… means supporting myself. Means caring for myself. Means maintaining MYSELF… no one else. I am the only one who matters. Only I can tell myself what is right for myself. Only I can heal myself. Only I care about my legacy.

    I have probably put enough detail in this description that I could be figured out and identified if someone was looking. I do not really care anymore. I am past that. It may be selfish or it might be politically incorrect, but I need to care for ME. I need to GO MY OWN WAY. I suggest you do as well.

    Take my advice as you will… it is all I have left to give:

    In regards to yourself, build yourself, learn, study, be healthy, challenge yourself physically and mentally. Take a spiritual quest, find some experience that is truly life changing and pursue it. Grow.

    In regards to women and relationships, walk away. Professionally, romantically, in all ways, just walk away. Empty chair that s~~~.

    My final thought today is one I have shared before. I will put it a little differently today though… earn enough to survive and go your own way, nothing more. Remove the motive power from the world. If women feel they can run the world, let them. If a woman is your boss, walk away. If you work with women, discuss only the direct work matter and walk away. Learn how powerful silence can be, and don’t drive the world forward. Let it fall down. Only until men are valued in society again will we have any rights, any worth to society and any real desire to participate any longer. Empty the chair, walk away.

    Who am I? Nobody. You need to make up your own mind and go your own way… but I hope, just for a second, that one you lurkers, gets something from one of my posts… and changes one thing to make their world better.

    Have a good Christmas and go your own way in the New Year.

    No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.

    #880218
    +5
    Carnage
    Carnage
    Participant
    20235

    I didnt read all that, but i know your history, damn blue pill waS strong on you f~~~er.

    BUT THE BITCH IS DEAD, YOU F~~~ER GOT BETTER THAN ALL OF US, GO P~~~ IN HER GRAVE, THAT BITCHHHHHH IS DEADDDDDD.

    YOU LUCKY MOTHER F~~~ER.

    To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

    #880267
    +2
    Bub
    Bub
    Participant
    907

    BUT THE BITCH IS DEAD, YOU F~~~ER GOT BETTER THAN ALL OF US, GO P~~~ IN HER GRAVE, THAT BITCHHHHHH IS DEADDDDDD.

    Except she’s not. He’s saddled with the debt she ran up. He’s going thru hell settling the estate.
    That was in the part you didn’t read.

    Strong message Gerald. I wish you well.

    I remember reading your story last year. It can only get better for you after that hell.

    Just rolling down the road

    #880272
    +1
    Carnage
    Carnage
    Participant
    20235

    BUT THE BITCH IS DEAD, YOU F~~~ER GOT BETTER THAN ALL OF US, GO P~~~ IN HER GRAVE, THAT BITCHHHHHH IS DEADDDDDD.

    Except she’s not. He’s saddled with the debt she ran up. He’s going thru hell settling the estate.That was in the part you didn’t read.
    Strong message Gerald. I wish you well.
    I remember reading your story last year. It can only get better for you after that hell.

    It doesnt matter, it is over, he can pull out, somehow he can make it out, we are men is what we do.

    BUT THE BITCH IS DEAD.

    she can destroy any progress anymore. He will pull out eventually and this time he will be really free.

    THE BITCH IS DEAD.

    To those following me, be careful, I just farted. Men those beans are killers.

    #880282
    +3
    Two Time Winner
    Two Time Winner
    Participant
    864

    That is about the bluest, blue pill, whitest, white knight story I have ever read. It sounds like you have learned about the women. But just remember, never go back to the plantation.

    When I get to needing female company, I call my favorite girl from the escort service. She is always happy to see me and her only expectation is for me to leave the money on the bedside table. It costs me about 25% of what it cost me each time to f~~~ my ex-wife over a 23 year period. Plus the escort is so much more pleasant, is young, fantastic in bed, and I only see her for an hour at a time. I’ve never heard one bitchy word from her. I’ve been seeing her for a while and we have become good friends. This is the only way to have a relationship with a woman.

    I live alone and do any damn thing I please. I’ll never even date a woman again.

    TTW

    Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

    #880305
    +3
    Swimcat
    Swimcat
    Participant
    2465

    You dodged a bullet with her dying instead having to divorce. You might want to see a lawyer about the debt.

    #880325
    +2
    Verus
    Verus
    Participant
    894

    I probably don’t need to tell you that story should have ended with you seeking a divorce around the fifth paragraph.

    Mine also ran up a lot of debt in my name that I’m still dealing with. She divorced me but didn’t have the decency to die. Because of her problems with addiction she’s had a few close calls. I will have her in my life until she does manage to kill herself, or until my kids leave home, whichever comes first. Your situation may in the long run be preferable.

    #880339
    +3
    Ranger One
    Ranger One
    Participant
    13575

    Time to rebuild! You are better off now than you were 2 years ago.

    All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.

    #880340
    +2
    Ranger One
    Ranger One
    Participant
    13575

    BUT THE BITCH IS DEAD, YOU F~~~ER GOT BETTER THAN ALL OF US, GO P~~~ IN HER GRAVE, THAT BITCHHHHHH IS DEADDDDDD.

    Except she’s not. He’s saddled with the debt she ran up. He’s going thru hell settling the estate.That was in the part you didn’t read.Strong message Gerald. I wish you well.I remember reading your story last year. It can only get better for you after that hell.

    It doesnt matter, it is over, he can pull out, somehow he can make it out, we are men is what we do.
    BUT THE BITCH IS DEAD.
    she can destroy any progress anymore. He will pull out eventually and this time he will be really free.
    THE BITCH IS DEAD.

    All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.

    #880342
    +1
    Ranger One
    Ranger One
    Participant
    13575

    BUT THE BITCH IS DEAD, YOU F~~~ER GOT BETTER THAN ALL OF US, GO P~~~ IN HER GRAVE, THAT BITCHHHHHH IS DEADDDDDD.

    Except she’s not. He’s saddled with the debt she ran up. He’s going thru hell settling the estate.That was in the part you didn’t read.Strong message Gerald. I wish you well.I remember reading your story last year. It can only get better for you after that hell.

    It doesnt matter, it is over, he can pull out, somehow he can make it out, we are men is what we do.
    BUT THE BITCH IS DEAD.
    she can destroy any progress anymore. He will pull out eventually and this time he will be really free.
    THE BITCH IS DEAD.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPIdRJlzERo

    All my life I've had doubts about who I am, where I belonged. Now I'm like the arrow that springs from the bow. No hesitation, no doubts. The path is clear. And what are you? Alive. Everything else is negotiable. Women have rights; men have responsibilities; MGTOW have freedom. Marriage is for chumps. If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart-R'as al Ghul.

    #880398
    +1
    Truthseeker82
    Truthseeker82
    Participant
    6228

    Good riddance to a toxic mess. Hope the road ahead is smoother now. The debt sucks, but it will go away. The experience, while brutal, can only have made you wiser and stronger. Peace, brother.

    #880410
    +1
    Rumpole
    Rumpole
    Participant
    698

    To paraphrase Shakespeare, “The good men do dies with them; the evil women do lasts long after their deaths.”

    #880572
    +1
    PuniShredder
    PuniShredder
    Participant
    2224

    I have never seen or heard of a man that blue pulled. You should probably look back in your life to determine why are you allowed yourself to be such a f~~~ing slave to a single mother. There’s something in your upbringing and self-confidence that seriously lacking sir. I believe the only way to move forward is to find out what that is and try to fix it. I believe you’d still be enabling her and trying to clean up her mess if she were still alive. Why you continue to do so after she has died is very sad and indicative of what I said above. Brother you’re going to need to get some professional help here. Good luck.

    Be professional be polite but always have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

    #880633
    IMickey503
    iMickey503
    Participant
    7902

    bY DlaReG

    You are all alone. If you have been falsely accused of RAPE, DV, PLEASE let all men know about the people who did this. http://register-her.net/web/guest/home

    #880831
    LionOnTheLoose
    LionOnTheLoose
    Participant
    1304

    Mate, what a story. I missed your previous version of this so thanks for sharing again. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. I’m not sure what to say. It’s a horrible story, but boy am I glad you came through it and found MGTOW.

    I understand that desire to have a legacy. I actually think this is something men think about more than women…maybe because men can’t have children. And I completely agree with what you say. We can still build a legacy…but it’s not going to be taking care of a woman.

    We don’t get many stories on here about women dying on here. Just think, what did she leave behind in the world? A big mess, loads of debt, endless messages from the dudes she f~~~ed. How about that for a legacy. I wish more women could hear this story, imagine what their life will amount to when they die. Do you just want to f~~~ and make a mess and then die? Or do you want to achieve something?

    Good luck my man.

    There aren't holes in your pockets. It's called marriage.

    #881789
    Gerald
    Gerald
    Participant
    3084

    bY DlaReG
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    Awesome. Thanks Mickey.

    No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.

    #881965
    Gerald
    Gerald
    Participant
    3084

    I have never seen or heard of a man that blue pulled. You should probably look back in your life to determine why are you allowed yourself to be such a f~~~ing slave to a single mother. There’s something in your upbringing and self-confidence that seriously lacking sir. I believe the only way to move forward is to find out what that is and try to fix it. I believe you’d still be enabling her and trying to clean up her mess if she were still alive. Why you continue to do so after she has died is very sad and indicative of what I said above. Brother you’re going to need to get some professional help here. Good luck.

    I have been thinking hard on this the past few days.

    Therapy did little to help with causes and focused mostly on stability. The causes are likely tied back to being mostly raised in early years by my grandmother, a strong, independent old grad on woman who lost her husband around 50 years old. She worked till 65, retired and though not wealthy, sustained and enjoyed her life. My father divorced my mother when I was two and my mother and I moved in with her. For six years we lived there. I was the replacement baby, which was to hold them together, but that didn’t work.

    Mom married a man much older than her, an abusive drunk.

    They had another son, one who received preferential treatment. I wore Kmart clothes and shoes while he was pampered and wore Nike’s. That is part of it. Watching the abuse and wanting to be different was another part.

    I also waited until late in life to marry, feeling I wanted to do it once and do it right. This is likely why I held on so long, my fear of being divorced.

    All in all, you are right, confidence is where I lacked, and still lack somewhat, but am improving on. I can survive on my own, something I dreaded previously, and am learning to enjoy it slowly.

    No longer can we walk away, we must run. Remove the motive power.

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