Understanding Entitlement Princess Syndrome
©2014 by Alan Morrison
The word “flake” — in the context of this article — is believed to come from a 1920s word for cocaine. Thus, someone described as “flaky” is akin to a cokehead — messed up, deranged, unstable and all over the place. In the USA, the word has currently come to be used to describe a certain kind of person, especially a female, as flakiness appears to be significantly more prevalent among the female population, hence “flaky chick” — the word “chick” being a 1950s beatnik word for a girl, plainly related to the Spanish word for young girl, “chica”.
The noun is “flake”. So one would hear the expression: “She’s a real flake”.
In the Urban Dictionary, the definition of “flake” is:
“An unreliable person. A procrastinator. A careless or lazy person. Dishonest and doesn’t keep to their word. They’ll tell you they’re going to do one thing, and never do it. They’ll tell you that they’ll meet you somewhere, and show up an hour late or don’t show up at all. Example: ‘She told me she would send me her pictures, but it’s been 3 months and she hasn’t sent me s~~~. She’s flaky as hell’.”
From my and many other people’s observations of the world today, it would seem that the flaky chick has become widespread in the female population — an accepted way of being, on an ever-increasing basis over the past couple of decades. You can now even download an ‘app’ questionnaire from iTunes called “Is she a Flake?” as a litmus test to apply when you meet a girl! So why the huge rise in the Flaky Chick Phenomenon? There are many reasons for this — social, psychological and historical. But before going into that, let’s first define and demonstrate what we mean by a “flaky chick”.
A flaky chick is essentially a female Narcissist on steroids. She is completely obsessed with herself. No one else matters but her — even when she feigns concern or care for another (which she will do if it suits her purpose; namely, herself, as that is the sole purpose in the life of a flaky chick). Not only is she plainly suffering from actual Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) but this often also blends in with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), as the two frequently overlap, in which case the bizarre and antisocial behaviour is even more marked, as BPD is more desperate in terms of ego preservation (about which more later). A nickname which has often been given to the flaky chick is “Entitlement Princess”, because she behaves as if she thinks she is royalty and therefore entitled to anything she wants, no matter what the consequences are for others. In colloquial terms, she has often been more crudely portrayed simply as a “spoiled bitch”. But that ungracious epithet doesn’t nearly cover it, for it goes considerably deeper than that.
Secondly, the flaky chick is completely untrustworthy. She will effortlessly and habitually tell lies, both small and big, for example to excuse herself for not turning up to a date or a meeting (as frequently happens with her) with no conscience whatsoever. She will even come to believe her lies and cling onto them with complete conviction. Furthermore, a flaky chick — more than any other chick in the world — will somehow have a phone which continually manages to lose its battery charge, behaves oddly, gets stolen or even dies, as a reason for why she lost connection while you were chatting, or why you can’t get through to her, or why she didn’t reply to your urgent question about your meeting with her. The excuses she uses with her phone to cover for her flaky behaviour are endlessly creative. What’s more, she will often inexplicably have a migraine or be having a hyper-painful period when she’s supposed to have been at a meeting or on a date. Flaky chicks have more “migraines” and “periods” per month than any other girl in the world! A guy told me how he said to his flaky chick girlfriend that he didn’t believe her excuse about being on her period (the reason she gave for not turning up to their date, about which she had not let him know beforehand) as she had used the same excuse the previous week. She struggled for a moment to find the answer then said that she has a double-ovulation every month and didn’t he remember how she told him that many times before (which she hadn’t, as it was a classic case of “gaslighting”), then burst into tears asking him how he could be so insensitive (nice bit of emotional blackmail!). Double-ovulation is possible but in all the months he had known her she had never had more than one period per month.
The flaky chick is the most effortless compulsive liar. Often, she will lie just for the hell of it, even though she doesn’t need to. It is as if untruth for her is more real than truth itself. But if you let her know that you’ve seen through her lies, brace yourself for the onslaught as she will be transformed into a monster before your eyes. You have never seen anything until you’ve seen a flaky chick explode. She will twist it all back onto you and make out as if it is you who is the liar and cruel and inconsiderate and… well… it’s you who is really the flake!
A classic response from the flaky chick, if you call her out as a liar, will be to retort with that solipsistic, new-age quip: “You only see in others what is really in yourself” (the implication being that it’s you who is the compulsive liar and flake). To say that one only sees in others what is really in oneself is complete nonsense. When, for example, Christ called the lawyers of his day “blind guides and hypocrites” did that mean that he was a blind guide and hypocrite too? Plainly not! As another example, what if I notice an older boy beating a younger, smaller one and I intervene and say to the bigger boy: “You’re a bully!”, would this mean that I am a bully. Ridiculous! The idea that what we see in others is really what is in ourselves is totally stupid, yet many today have been brainwashed with that idea as it forms a core philosophy in much new age coffee-table books. Certainly, we can sometimes project our own problems onto others but that doesn’t mean that every time ‘Person A’ makes an observation of something seemingly negative about ‘Person B’, then it is really ‘Person A’ who has the seemingly negative quality. Sometimes we have to call other people out for what they are to wake them up. This idea that what we see in others is really what is also in ourselves could have been a script written specially to let flaky chicks off the hook. It is their perfect “get-out”. And they use it frequently. In fact, it’s their favourite philosophy. Flaky chicks truly are masters (or should that be mistresses) of turning things back onto the one who observes their antisocial and destructive traits. They cannot tolerate for one second others seeing through them. They are extremely clever at twisting reality to work in their favour. So if you challenge them in any way, even lightly, gently or humorously, they will suddenly launch into a lengthy diatribe about how you are being disrespectful or showing your ignorance or stupidity and how enlightened and perceptive they are and how they can see right through you, etc. You have never had a battle until a flaky chick has begun her hostilities against you — upon which you should always be as polite as possible, say as little as possible and just walk calmly away, grateful to still be in one piece.
Flaky chicks are also extremely unreliable and inconsistent, usually because they are so self-absorbed. They fail to turn up to pre-arranged meetings or are hours late, offering only obvious lies as excuses, if they can be bothered to make any excuse at all. A classic inconsistency is that they can be in the middle of a lengthy, apparently pleasant text or chat conversation and they will suddenly disappear and not return. No reason is ever given. The next time they see you either they won’t even remember the unkept meeting or curtailed exchange, or they will claim that they lost their connection and the other usual flaky chick lies. (Flaky chicks inexplicably “lose their connection” more often than anyone else in the world!). This is not only because of the obvious fixation on herself to the detriment of others, but it is also the result of a complete lack of empathy. They cannot possibly understand how the other person feels to be left in the lurch. Neither would they want to. Frankly, they couldn’t care less. Flaky chicks are only interested in how they themselves feel. Everything and everyone else has somehow to be fitted into that obsessive interest. This behaviour is the complete antithesis of womanhood, for a true feminine trait is empathy and an understanding of the experience of the other.
One spin-off of this inconsistency is that the flaky chick must always guard against true closeness or intimacy. So she curtails all contact with a person to who she feels she might be becoming close. For example, suddenly breaking off in the middle of chatting on the internet; inexplicably disappearing after days of apparently fruitful exchanges; these are all part of her need to be in control. She doesn’t feel she owes you any explanation. If you were to ask why she disappeared, she would come back at you with an angry blast about how you don’t own her and she owes you nothing. Many men will be nodding fervently on reading these behavioural descriptions. Such behaviour is extremely common as the flaky chick is widespread on the scene today and is the scourge of fulfilling male-female relations. As we will discover in more detail later, the reason that she exercises this control by ditching you first is because of her acute fear of rejection and abandonment. She does it to you to avoid having it done to herself.
Another related symptom of a flaky chick´s inconsistency is her inability to listen to other people. No matter how much you give her your full attention when she is talking, she will never do the same for you. In a conversation, she will never really listen to you. She will seem to be distracted or “somewhere else”. The reason is because she cannot acknowledge any other centre of attention but herself. Thus, during a conversation you will have difficulty maintaining her eye-contact as her eyes will seem to be flitting all over the place so as to avoid making you properly the object of her gaze. This is because she cannot bear the idea of a man “controlling” her. If she devotes her attention to you, this is interpreted by her as you being in control. This cannot be tolerated by her; so she will never grant you a proper audience. Many men who are involved with a flaky chick will eventually fail to notice that this is happening and continue talking anyway. They have then become a submissive part of the flaky chick’s twisted universe. When a woman flakes on you like that, you should walk away. She doesn’t value you and is therefore unworthy of your attentions. Unfortunately, there are countless subservient men who will take your place and willingly allow her to devalue them.
You will also notice that in any group situation, when someone stands out of the crowd or holds the audience, the flaky chick will find a way of undermining the one having the attention, for they must have that all for themselves. As an example of this, I was once part of a case conference in a social work department. A junior but very competent member of the team was sharing her thoughts. Everyone was mesmerised with her wisdom. Suddenly, while the woman was in full flow, a senior member of the team (aged 35) held up a piece of cutlery which was in a saucer on the table and exclaimed in a very loud voice “Aren´t these teaspoons remarkable! I’ve been studying them”. Everyone turned to look at her with amazement. She wasn’t concerned how ridiculous her intervention was. She had everyone’s attention and that’s what counts. The Narcissist was holding court. The meeting was all about her. Because she was a senior, no one questioned it (though I and another team member pointedly turned to the original speaker and said “Please continue!”).
As another example which I observed, a guy had cut his hand rather badly — there was blood everywhere and everyone present rushed to his aid, except one girl who continued to sit on the sofa, picking up a book and appearing to read it. She was his girlfriend. When the others turned to her and asked her to fetch something, she said wearily, continuing to read the book: “It’s not that serious. What’s wrong with you all?” This is classic flaky chick behaviour. They cannot stand another to steal the attention from themselves, even in the case of a serious incident like this and even though she was his girlfriend. Notice also how she says there is something wrong with all the others rather than herself. In the perception of the flaky chick, it is always the other who is wrong and not her. In her view, her view is the only one which matters.
Here is another rather shocking example of the way that flaky chicks see themselves as the centre of the universe, so no one matters but them. A friend told me how he had talked over the phone with a girlfriend of his and when she said that she admired a certain music artist, he had told her about a concert devoted to the artist’s music and she euphorically asked to go to it. She said that she would catch the train and be there a couple of hours before the concert. He agreed to pick her up at the station. She was overjoyed and said she was really looking forward to it. So he bought two tickets and then when the day came, he made a bed up for her in his house and set off for the station. She never arrived. After trying to phone her and send text messages which she didn’t answer and waiting for an hour and a half at the station, he went to the concert alone. The next day he sent her another text message asking if everything was okay and wondering why she had not told him she wasn’t coming. He was immediately greeted with a huge barrage of insults in capital letters and exclamation marks accusing him of trying to stifle her freedom not to come and how she acts spontaneously in life and cannot be pinned down and restrained by people like him, etc. He then gently mentioned how it would have been polite to let him know as he had gone to the trouble of making up her room and buying her a ticket. Cue for another angry barrage about how that was his problem as she never asked him to buy a ticket and she is a free spirit and lives for each moment and acts upon how she feels in any moment and no moment is the same and he should respect that and not oppress her with his demands and bad energy, etc., etc. You may think this sounds extreme but I have counselled very many guys who have been on the receiving end in similar situations. The circumstances may have been different but the attitude and aggression were the same.
Flaky chicks are always ready to take offense or feel slighted by even the most casual remark which they perceive as being hostile to them. They commonly misinterpret what others say or write, as if it was meant badly towards them, even when it’s not about them. They can feel insulted by what seems to others to be an innocuous remark and cannot take even the least kind of criticism. In fact, to criticise a flaky chick even in the simplest, caring manner will result not only in a series of lengthy and often incoherent diatribes but will also result in her making a campaign out of the destruction of the critic. Nothing will be spared in that quest. They will spread rumours about you to others. They will ruin your reputation. They will claim you’re an asshole. They will queer your pitch in every possible way. To criticise a flaky chick — no matter how benign or justified it is — will spark an endless war. So be prepared!
As an example of the volatile nature of the flaky chick, consider this case reported to me by a guy who was exasperated with meeting women like this. He had a colleague who he knew had a reputation of being somewhat a flake. But he felt sorry for her as she had three small children and was on her own and always seemed to be going through one hassle or another. He wasn’t attracted to her but he felt the need to be friendly. So he asked her out for lunch. They had a pleasant meal and then returned to work. Later that afternoon he had a message exchange with her which went like this:
SHE: Thanks for the lunch. I must say that I was impressed with the brief kiss on the cheek when we parted.
HE: Oh, really? Why?
SHE: Most guys try and jump on me!
HE: Well you won’t get that kind of behaviour from me. I’m a gentleman.
SHE: Don’t you find it hot in here?
HE: Not sure what you mean by that. If you mean am I sexually attracted to you, then, to be honest, no. I’m happy to be in the friend zone with you, though.
SHE: WELL F~~~ YOU THEN!!!!
And with that, she was gone and immediately removed him as a “friend” on Facebook. She had been all sweetness and light until she sensed rejection and found herself in a situation which she could not control. Then all hell broke loose. The flaky chick is highly adept at using her sexuality as a means of controlling men. In this instance, after making suggestive remarks to the guy, not only did she lose control of him but she also received what she perceived as a rejection. Any normal woman would have been happy to have counted a good man like that as a supportive friend; but not her. She assumed she would have him eating out of her hand and — as was usually the case with men — that he would be yet another one to desire her, another feather in her cap. But he was in control and prevented her from carrying on with her usual manipulation. (He was, nevertheless, confused by it and still needed to have it deconstructed for him afterwards). The thing about flaky chicks is to be able to detect them before they flake on you and not after. Preferably, a man needs to develop the sense of seeing through her instantly on first meeting, so he can take the appropriate action and steer clear of her. This is a capability which can be honed — especially after repeated experience. And it’s not difficult to have repeated experiences of flaky chicks today!
There is a revealing postscript to this episode. Later that evening, she requested Facebook friendship with him again and sent him a message apologising for her behaviour. He almost responded but then his intuition rightly told him to ignore it. The next day she had blocked him completely from Facebook and sent him an email which said: “Just as I thought. You’re full of pride and an immature little boy. IDIOT! Have a nice life”. Here you see the typical flaky chick tactic of initially trying to reverse the rejection and get him under her control through apparent contrition. Then, as soon as that fails, she turns it all back on him in a hail of bullets, as if he is the one who, because of his “pride” and “immaturity”, is really at fault for the abortive connection between them. It’s always the other who is wrong rather than themselves. This is a repeated pattern with the flaky chick, as many men have learned, to their cost.
Due to their insecurity, low self-esteem and disguised self-loathing, flaky chicks often have an alcohol or drug problem and are likely to be heavy smokers. (I say “disguised” self-loathing because they always manage to promote themselves to the gullible as shimmering stars and often generate quite a following). The new-agey kind of flaky chick will be addicted to mantras, chanting, autohypnosis and endless guided meditations as a way of anaesthetising her inner pain, as well as projecting herself to the world as a highly-evolved entity. Also because of that insecurity, low self-esteem and disguised self-loathing, heterosexual flaky chicks (unless they are the weaker kind) will only choose for partners men who they can manipulate. Flaky chicks always have loads of men chasing them and hanging around them like mosquitoes round a light bulb. They need that constant confirmation of their ability to attract others. They encourage it. The men they attract are generally of the Beta type, because the more perceptive and original Alpha types can see right through them and wouldn’t want them in their lives. An Alpha male would never choose a woman who would be likely not to value him. Unfortunately, many men make good dupes in this respect. The flaky chick’s assumed cuteness, smartness, eccentricity and vulnerability (often only inferred rather than expressed) attracts many men, who quickly become lost in her charisma, little knowing the hell that lies ahead if they become closely involved.
Only men can bear witness to this phenomenon and there are many who can. In fact, a large number of them have had their ability to enjoy relationships with women completely wrecked. But among many women today there is almost a conspiracy to keep this behaviour out of view or shove it under the carpet and claim it doesn’t exist, because to discuss the very idea of flaky chicks is deemed by them to be “sexist”, offensive to women and patronising — misogynist even, a symptom of patriarchy putting down women — even though many of those same women would have no problem spending their time putting down men. Every year dozens of articles and books are written about the sociopathic male. Yet no one ever denounces those works as sexist, offensive or misandrist. It seems today that one can say anything derogatory about men but to make any reference whatsoever to unwholesome developments in the realm of women is anathema and must be airbrushed instantly from the world of letters. This is reminiscent of crushing totalitarian dictatorships such as one finds in George Orwell’s “Nineteen Eighty-Four”, where to criticise the regime even in the most constructive of ways means instant denunciation and ostracism by “the Party”. It is easy to see a Maoist/Stalinist thread running through the ideology of those who try to suppress the truth about what is happening among women today.
Furthermore, to claim that the writer of this article is “sexist” is a smokescreen to cover up the extremely sexist, man-devaluing nature of the flaky chick phenomenon itself! It reminds me of the time I wrote an article in late 2002 showing that there were no significant weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. I said that it was “bulls~~~”. Some people then complained about me using what they deemed a “profanity”. The paradox was that they were highly offended by my use of the word “bulls~~~” but yet had no problem with the bulls~~~ itself — that the USA had lied in order to have a pretext for the illegal invasion of a foreign state. So it is with those who would call this article “sexist” but yet have no issue with the massively widespread sexism of the flaky chick on the planet!
Many women would go so far as to deny that there is an issue, claiming that the flaky chick phenomenon simply does not exist. They say that maybe a handful of women might behave poorly but that’s only because of the way that men have treated them in the first place! (Seriously, I have had these words thrown at me. It’s taught me a lot about how to smile and walk away from a fruitless exchange). The issue is not whether the concept of the flaky chick is “sexist” but whether or not it is true.
Political correctness has gone out of its way to suppress truth in the name of fashion and social engineering, just so a few over-sensitive people don’t get offended. Obviously, it would be wrong to malign women in totality, or any gender, social or racial grouping. But it is not wrong to expose behaviour or phenomena — regardless of what grouping it is in — which undermine social cohesion and good relationships. We don’t expose flaky chicks because they are women but because they are flaky. It just so happens that by far the majority of flakes are female. (The same is true of Borderline Personality Disorder, where it is officially recognised that about 75% of sufferers are women). I love women as women when they behave like real women; but the huge and growing number of flaky chicks out there — ranging from teens to forty-somethings — are a blot on the map of life today and are letting down their gender, not to mention the wrecked relationships and vast number of men who have been damaged by them.
Many men think that they can “fix” a flaky chick. There are plenty of well-meaning guys who imagine that they are knights who have been specially sent to sort her out — to enable her to work through her problems and find her freedom and fulfilment. This is a huge illusion. Any man who becomes emotionally involved with a flaky chick is setting himself up for a great deal of misery. The flaky chick can make herself seem very appealing at first. She is often intelligent, attractive, creative and engaging and manages to seduce many people into being friends with her and admiring her. But if a man becomes intimate with her, after the relationship is well underway he will begin to notice little things which ring his alarm bells. (He should really have noticed them before he got heavily involved but he will have been too mesmerised by her external attributes). This will increase until he realises that he has become involved with a monster from whom he cannot walk away unscathed. If he is a very weak character the two of them can become involved in a long-term relationship of co-dependency and feed off each other’s destructive pathological patterns. Many marriages and partnerships exist in that ‘flaky chick-Beta male’ state for years, which — if they are cohabiting and with offspring — only their children will witness (and who will very often continue that family pattern themselves in their own later intimate relationships).
An interesting observation is that flaky chicks can hardly bring themselves even to catch the eye of an Alpha type of male. They find such a man so catastrophically threatening that flaky chicks almost pretend that those men don’t exist. This is because of the possibility of rejection or abandonment either due to his ability to see through them (which he certainly has) or because they fear that such a man will not be interested in them (which he certainly wouldn’t) or, if they were to embark on a relationship with him, he would soon reject and abandon them for another (which he most certainly would). Flaky chicks will look right past such Alpha males. They will even cross the street to avoid them, such is their fear. Some of the more new-agey type of flaky chicks — when confronted by an Alpha male — will utter such trendily amusing lines as: “That guy’s got really dark energy”, and other similar disguises to conceal their fear. What they really mean is that they are frightened stiff of him because he is no fool. Claiming that he has a “dark energy” puts the darkness on him when it is the darkness in their own hearts which has been projected onto the male.
It is an interesting fact that many flaky chicks are attracted to the new-age scene, mainly because they can disguise their inner terrors behind a smorgasbord of “spiritual” jargon, hypnotic chanting, “transformational energies” and supposedly “higher consciousness activities”. I know quite a few who have set themselves up as ‘Reiki Masters’, ‘aura therapists’, meditation teachers, life coaches, etc., who are among the most flaky chicks of all in their personal lives — who have left a mountain of abused male wreckage in their wake — yet who manage to pass themselves off to the public as enlightened beings! The perfect cover. You will often find them on social media such as Facebook, holding court as if they are guru-advisers, bragging about their insights which will continually be paraded before their “friends” with exclamation marks and capital letters alongside images of fantasy worlds, myriad angels and quoted platitudes from celebrity new-age authors.
The more conventional, less hippy type of flaky chick will hide her fear behind an assertion to her friends and anyone who will listen that any Alpha type of male in her vicinity is a shallow womaniser and other such smears and therefore should be shunned. Whether or not this is true is completely irrelevant to the flaky chick. She is not interested in truth — only in surviving intact from threats to her ego; so she will invent any story which assists that goal. The reality of course is that she is frightened to death (literally) of anyone who she feels will see beyond the external image she presents to the world and right into her secretly broken, messed-up, strung-out little heart. An Alpha male can spot a flaky chick in an instant and she knows it; and it frightens her rigid.
Social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, provide the perfect platform for flaky chicks to excel as narcissists, where they can obtain constant confirmation of their imagined wonderfulness. They hardly have to do anything to receive an endless supply of “likes” and fawning comments from a massive, ready-made audience of sycophantic, drooling, weak-willed men, while parading constantly-changing “selfies” on their profiles. On a date with such a flaky chick, the hapless guy will be lucky to enjoy any conversation whatsoever with her as she will be glued to her smartphone — not in urgent business arrangements or pressing family matters but to check out how many Facebook “likes” she’s getting and to keep her many online admirers dangling on a string through text and social media messaging services. One guy I know, after observing his girlfriend almost continually texting on her phone when they went out together, discovered she had been writing to at least one other guy all the same intimate things she had been saying to him at almost the same time. Things like “You are the one for me”, “You are the only one I want to have a baby with”, “I’m yours forever”. When he asked her if she thought that was hypocritical, she went ballistic, claiming she had every right to have another man “as a back-up” (as she put it) and in any case it was only words and she felt flattered by these online attentions and he should stop being so “controlling”. After he told her, in a very civilised manner, that he didn’t want to be involved with her anymore because she was too immature and dishonest to have a relationship with and he wanted her to leave, she started texting her friends about how she was being abused by him and felt in imminent physical danger and if they didn’t hear from her in two hours they were to call the police. Really! You couldn’t make it up! I have counselled many other men who have gone through very similar experiences, not just once but repeatedly with flaky chicks today. Right now, many men will be reading this and furiously nodding in assent.
Many flaky chicks have been featured in TV and films. The self-obsessed, narcissistic TV character, Ally Mcbeal, was a classic example of the characteristics of the less venomous type of flaky chick. It’s interesting that many women at the time were up in arms about the fact that the series “let women down” by presenting a non-positive image of womanhood because the main character was so flaky. The fact is that all the social engineering in the world — i.e. no matter how many “positive” images one conspires to put on the silver screen — will not alter the massively growing reality of the flaky chick in this world. Art reflects life, not the other way round.
Perhaps the greatest celluloid representation of the full-blown, ultra-manipulative, venomous flaky chick was the character, Mavis Gary, remarkably acted in a tour de force by Charlize Theron in the film “Young Adult”. Theron’s portrayal of the more vituperative flaky chick (even just through her facial expressions and body language) is sheer genius, eliciting in the viewer a mixture of both repugnance and sympathy. For, ultimately, in spite of all her nastiness and controlling behaviour, the compassionate human has to feel sorry for the flaky chick. She is a victim of her own defensive strategies, mostly learned in childhood from an early age, probably from her experience of a dysfunctional father, or from seminal experiences of abuse and abandonment/rejection which made her feel so out of control of her life at that tender age that she has to try and somehow regain that control in teenage/adult life through completely inappropriate contemporary situations. My own researches and experience down the years have shown me that a very high percentage of flaky chicks have been in repeated abandonment and rejection scenarios at a sensitive age or they have been physically and/or sexually abused. You can see an excerpt here from “Young Adult”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piDXAa8YImg. This is the denouement scene near the end when, having been rejected by the man she wanted, Mavis’s craziness is shown in all its tawdry glory, when she utters the archetypal flaky chick projection line: “What’s wrong with you people?!?”
In a way, flaky chicks — despite their manipulative behaviour, aggression and controlling attitude — are deeply vulnerable. Thus, although they can use and screw up the weaker Beta or Omega type of male, the less venomous type of flaky chick can be used and taken advantage of by a male, if she actually lets him in. In short, the flaky chick, unless her flakiness is somehow miraculously resolved, can never enjoy a fulfilling relationship, no matter with whom it is forged and no matter which type of flaky chick she is. Either she is the exploiter or the exploited, despite the fact that she is the flake. Thus, one can say that there are two ends of the scale of flaky chick. At one end, there is the ruthless, more vituperative flake. At the other end, there is the weaker, more messed-up victim type of flake — with a variety of shades in between.
The reality is that flaky chicks are massively on the increase in the present era. This is due to a variety of social and psychological causes.
It has almost become the norm for a girl to be flaky in some circles — something to be cultivated, as a sign of some sort of zany “Girl Power” and a way of “resisting the patriarchy” in a social setting. The female must always be seen to have the upper hand in order to right the balance which has allegedly gone all the way of men for thousands of years, etc. This kind of skewed thinking has made a contribution to the flaky chick phenomenon.
Another factor in the rise of the flaky chick phenomenon has been because a very large number of women simply do not value men anymore. Men are seen as the enemy, the competition, potential rapists to be used for sex or money and even abused and ignored but never respected, admired or adored. This is not an exaggeration. As proof that men are not valued in society to the same degree as women, consider this: How often, in media advertising, do you see the men portrayed as incompetent, subservient idiots and the women as calm, in-control problem-solvers? This is a way of devaluing men by social engineering. As another example of the way that men are no longer valued, if a woman cuts off a man’s penis and throws it in the garbage it is treated as a huge joke. Sn~~~~~s all round. He must have done something to deserve it. The woman is almost celebrated as a courageous heroine who has acted out what many women secretly desire to do while the man is shamed forever. Newspapers write jokey columns about it and they compete with each other to create the wittiest headline. Videos about it become a viral frolic on social media with many women cheering them on. If you don’t believe that this is the case today, check out this video.
However, if a man cuts off a woman’s breast and throws it on the fire, there would be international outrage. A day of mourning would be declared. Minutes of silence would be held everywhere. Special ribbons in honour of the mutilated victim would be designed and worn across the world. Newscasters would feel obliged to wear one onscreen. Using a specially-supplied educational kit containing a picture of the amputee, schoolteachers would hold sessions for their classes on women as the victims of “male violence in a rape culture”. Imagine if the above YouTube video, instead of being a group of cackling women, was actually a bunch of guys laughing about a man who had cut off a woman’s breast. How long would it be before they were arrested and crucified in the international media as sociopathic misogynist haters who should be locked away forever!
The same kind of process happens if a woman kicks a man in his testicles. It is treated as something to be sn~~~~~ed at. Not very serious. Bit of a joke really. Guffaw, guffaw. She is congratulated (“You kick ass, go girl!”) and there is a sense of victory and payback among many women. Yet if a man kicks a woman in the crotch, he would be immediately arrested for serious assault and held up before the world as a disgraceful example of male violence and part of a “rape culture mentality” attacking a woman in the most sacred area of her anatomy. One can say anything about men today and it is completely acceptable. But to make any kind of criticism of a woman is deemed to be sexist and misogynist. It is this kind of imbalance in the failure to value men to the same degree as women in society today which has prepared the ground for flaky chicks to feel that they can abuse men with impunity because they “kick ass” too. Kicking men’s ass today is the new cool. Whatever happened to the oft professed notion that all women want is equality with men? (Rhetorical question. No need to answer).
Coupled with that, there has been a general downgrading in politesse during the last few decades. People in general just do not feel the same desire to be courteous and respectful to others, or to have a sense of duty and honour (remember duty and honour?). This has had fallout in the sphere of man-woman relations, as gallantry or courtliness are frowned upon as prehistoric sexism, while showing favour or courtesy to a woman are often perceived as being the signs of a philanderer, or “grooming”, or even as a case for a sexual harassment lawsuit!
Another cause of the rise of the flaky chick phenomenon has been an increase in the common new-age, pseudo-spirituality which makes the individual the centre of the universe, as we saw earlier with the woman who backed out of the concert arrangement without a word of apology and those who say “What we see in others is really what is in ourselves”. This is simply classical Narcissism disguised with meaningless psychobabble. The concert-woman believed that in order to be authentic she should live in the moment (a clear excuse for her selfishness), no matter how adversely or inconveniently it affected any other living being. Only her experience matters. All other humans are just pawns on her playing field. She most likely doesn’t even realise that she has bought into the discredited philosophy of Solipsism, defined in the Oxford English Dictionary as “the view or theory that only the self really exists or can be known. Now also: isolation, self-centredness, selfishness”. Indeed. Not only is it the perfect platform for extreme egotism, it is also the ultimate form of hypocrisy because she claims to be living on a “higher energy” level than other humans yet treats people like dirt and has no empathy or compassion. Try unravelling that one with her and see how far you get! You’d have as much success as trying to keep hold of a bar of soap in a hot tub!
Another cause of the rise in the flaky chick phenomenon is that we are now reaping the result of at least one whole generation of poor parenting. Girls who have been “spoiled to death” and/or “princessed” by their parents (especially the father) during childhood are almost destined for the role of “Entitlement Princess” in teenage years and adulthood. That, coupled with other forms of defective parenting, such as sexual and physical abuse or abandonment and rejection, often generates that heady mix of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder — the foundation of the full-blown flaky chick. (I say “full-blown” because there are those who have flaky traits without being a complete exhibitor of the symptoms of NPD and BPD).
Partly because of this poor parenting, most women no longer know how to be real women. When you couple together the fact that they’ve had no decent female role model in childhood with the teaching about womanhood which a woman receives through school, the media and propaganda, many women are little more than an empty shell in terms of understanding and living an abundant, truly feminine life. The consequences this has had for male-female relations has been disastrous.
What is it that lies at the heart of the full-blown flaky chick’s pathology? What is it that fuels her shockingly selfish behaviour and feelings of entitlement? One of the principal motivations for her comportment is a fear of rejection and/or abandonment. Her whole world is concentrated on keeping these two elements out of her life. The ordinary way of dealing with those things is to take action after they have happened. But the flaky chick lives in such a state of subliminal terror that she takes action before they have taken place — and in very drastic ways. This is one of the reasons for her huge anger if her strategies are uncovered. The façade must be maintained at all costs. The front must be preserved, whatever it takes. For the flaky chick cannot ever fully give herself to a relationship for fear of being rejected or abandoned.
Most people know that rejection or abandonment is possible in a relationship but they still take the risk anyway. They reckon it’s worth it. For the flaky chick, however, any notion of rejection or abandonment is akin to death, for that was the level of suffocation she felt when she was abused or misparented as a child. For her, rejection or abandonment are a matter of life or death, so all her resources are used to avoid it. Her game is control and she has mastered the art. That is why she breaks off during text messaging. That is why she will disappear for days on end. That is why she reneges on appointments. That is why she tells lies to put people off the scent. These are all strategies to avoid commitment, to avoid being there for the other person. They are all strategies to deny love — to obstruct relationship. She cannot give herself completely to anything or anyone for fear of rejection or abandonment. So her scattiness and unreachableness, in her own mind, keep her safe. She is “all over the place” so she doesn’t have to commit herself to one place alone. She manages to garner enough admiration from casual observers, general friends and acquaintances, so she doesn’t need to act out with them. Therefore they are often fooled by that façade and will never believe that she is the wife or lover from hell. But those who have been most intimate with her have tasted her inner terror and the bloody wrath which results from it.
When you bring together that acute terror of abandonment or rejection with the narcissistic elements of being unable to withstand even a hint of criticism and an obsessive horror of being put down or having the narcissistic bubble burst, you can begin to understand the desperate interior pathology of the flaky chick, disguised behind her often cool and engaging exterior.
The advice that I would give any man is that if you find yourself with a woman showing all the signs of true flakiness, ignore the fact that you seem to be relating to an attractive and engaging character, then politely but quickly take your leave of the individual concerned and do not ever look back. I am not speaking here about genuine errors or absentmindedness or temporary difficulties, which can affect us all. I am speaking about an obvious pattern — especially if it is corroborated by others. Even on the classic website for the daughters of mothers who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com), the clear advice given is:
“…discontinue contact, or at least limit contact with narcissists as much as you possibly can, because people with NPD cannot change their behavior, and everything must be done on their emotionally abusive terms. Contact with a narcissist always results in emotional abuse.”
The same words could be applied to contact with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder, with even more dramatic emotional abuse and sometimes even physical abuse too. Most people (especially women) think — or, rather, prefer to believe, or even perpetuate the idea — that domestic abuse is almost wholly from men towards women. This is a huge myth. It may surprise you to know that, without taking account of all the men who would be too embarrassed to admit they were being abused by a woman, more than 40% of domestic abuse victims are male (http://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence ).
It is a proven fact that neither those with NPD nor those with BPD can change their behaviour easily, if at all — even after years of therapy (assuming that they will even submit to it, because a hallmark of those with these disorders is that they do not believe they have a problem, therefore they do not tend to present for treatment). In the full-blown flaky chick, the two disorders come together to create a walking time-bomb of abuse and damage inflicted on anyone who becomes intimate with her or who threatens her carefully-constructed world and image. Therefore, if you value your health and equilibrium, keep well away. A man of the more chivalrous kind is often tempted to play the role of the knightly psychotherapist and get into a relationship with a flaky chick on the supposed basis that over the course of time he can change her. This is a huge error and one he will live to regret, especially if they have children, as the flaky chick will screw him for every penny he has and take his kids and the house too, often amidst false accusations of abuse and other alleged bad behaviour! All this has been catalogued in detail on the website “A Shrink for Men”, a service run by clinical psychologist, Dr Tara J. Palmatier, which helps men who have had disastrous relationships with NPD and BPD type of women. (http://www.shrink4men.com ).
So please do not imagine that you can play at being the gallant knight on a white charger who can help the full-blown flaky chick to get over herself. That isn’t ever going to happen. It is natural for a man to want to do his best for a woman he loves. There is something inside him which wants to take her under his wing and sort her out. He may feel that he is somehow “called” to do it and that all he has to do is “love her better” and all her craziness will melt away in his arms. However, no matter how much compassion you may feel for her, no matter how much you may think you understand her or can help her, the flaky chick is a law unto herself and she will never let you get near enough to help her. She has no conception (or, rather, cannot allow herself to have any conception) of the full extent of her mental/ emotional condition and she will do everything she can to convince you and everyone else that it is you who is the deranged one. You will find yourself involved in an endless dance with her in which you are not only getting your feet trodden on but your whole being will eventually be crushed. Walk away and preserve your sanity. Walk away and preserve your integrity. Walk away and preserve your dignity. That is the only counsel I can give. Walk away. And don’t look back.
Not only would I urge men to walk away at the first signs of flakiness (and you should know the symptoms by now), I would also advise the utmost wariness of a flaky chick who attempts to lure a man back into a relationship from which he’s already walked away. Due to her controlling behaviour, one of the hallmarks of the flaky chick is that she cannot bear the thought of being thwarted by a man. So if her partner finds the courage to leave her, sooner or later she will seek him out to try to get him back under her control. He will start to receive sweet messages from her which will make him doubt the reasons for leaving her in the first place. Butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth! She will try to convince him that it will work this time. She might even summon up an apology or two. He will think he’s dealing with a different person — a reformed character. Do not, under any circumstances, be fooled by this. It is all part of her complex web to reverse your rejection of her. If you don’t believe me, try sending her a polite message declining her advances and spelling out clearly why you left her. All hell will break loose and you will see a sudden lapse into the monster from whom you walked away. I have counselled many men to whom this has happened and those who resisted trying for reconciliation are immensely grateful that they didn’t fall for the flaky chick’s overtures to kick-start the relationship.
The reason for my stark warnings is that the flaky chick is not just some relatively harmless womanly aberration about which we can have a playful chuckle. I would go so far as to say that the full-blown flaky chick is the female equivalent of the male rapist. Rape of any kind is an appalling crime. It is the violation of the whole human being in all senses. But if we think of rape merely in its physical aspect, then we are failing to understand the meaning of violation. Even a woman who has been raped will tell you that the experience was a blow to much more than merely her body. It is an invasion of the whole person — a desecration and violation. It is no coincidence that the French word for raped is “violé”. The flaky chick desecrates and violates men. It may not be a physical rape in the technical sense of the law; but it is the emotional equivalent. To deny this would be a staggering act of wilful ignorance. A man who has suffered at the hands of the vituperative flaky chick in an intimate relationship will feel just as violated as a woman who has been raped. In fact, such a man will feel as if he has been repeatedly violated rather than having had just a one-time rape experience in a park or alleyway. Many men have been completely broken and permanently traumatised by the women referred to in this paper as flaky chicks. I have spoken with, and counselled, many of them and much has been documented elsewhere too. These are urgent words and are not to be taken lightly.
However, all the above having been said, this isn’t just ‘a warning for men’ or a mere journalistic exercise. The typical response of a flaky chick to this article would be to denounce the writer as a sexist, judgemental, arrogant hater with numerous obvious issues, such as being threatened by women, etc. (As you will have noted, self-awareness is not the flaky chick’s strong suit). It’s a long shot but… there may possibly be some who have just enough conscience left to recognise themselves in the descriptions in this article and thereby will even feel convicted by what has been written and then seek help for change. That would be my sincerest hope. Sometimes we have to visit a bad space to find a better one. And I know that miracles can happen. I have seen that too. For a flake to become a real woman would indeed be a miracle.
Recently, someone asked me why I would waste my time writing an article on such a flippant and unimportant issue as flaky chicks. I think this is because the term “flaky”, to him, just means a girl who is a bit forgetful or charmingly eccentric or delightfully wacky (but ultimately tameable), like the Myrna Loy, Carole Lombard or Katherine Hepburn types in the old “screwball” comedies. I replied that the flaky chick — once one understands how far it has gone today and the damage that she has done — is considerably darker and menacingly deeper than a mere screwball. The flaky chick phenomenon has to be seen in the perspective of a much wider range of issues connected with the carefully-constructed feminist agenda, which is also a vital part of the agenda of the power elite to divide and rule in a pseudo-democratic, pre-totalitarian society.
Thus, the flaky chick is part of a vast theme of social degeneration. The entire contents of this article are revealing signs of the times, while “civilised” society collapses in on itself as part of the global changes taking place as we move from one earth-aeon to the next. The resulting cataclysms from that shift are not (and will not be) merely geological but also social, emotional and psychological. The struggle between darkness and light is even more pronounced at this time and nothing can hide. The huge increase in flakiness and abusive relationships in general and other dysfunctional patterns across this world are part of a transformational process in which the pus must come oozing out of the infected wound. Frankly, these are just the beginning of the birth-pangs of the new aeon. It will become a whole lot worse before it can get better. Eventually, all will be revealed for what it is. Nothing will be able to be hidden behind the lace-net curtains of “civilisation” and a pretended “respectability”. The patterns of the old order raise their ugly, anachronistic heads like prehistoric monsters surfacing in a lake; while love and truth make ever increasing waves in that lake, eventually resulting in a catastrophic washing away of the relics of the past.
In the meantime, as a mini-epilogue, there is also a temporary consolation in all this: Those with both NPD and BPD apparently mellow with age, once past the 40 mark. So, hopefully, one day, flaky chicks could well become solid grandmas!
Alan Morrison is an English writer, poet, songwriter, musician and sometime actor who lives in a cabin on a hillside overlooking the Straits of Gibraltar. He has increasingly withdrawn from the world after a lifetime of watching it entropize into the debacle that it is today — especially in the realm of man-woman relations. Some would call him cynical; but, like George Bernard Shaw, he believes: “the power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it”.