30 Seconds of E-Comedy

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Dating Website “E-Harmony” recently established themselves as the kind of website that only accepts Men who are willing to lie to women – and tell them whatever they want to hear. You can learn this first hand for yourself too.



But that’s not true. Any answer to a question is acceptable for your money.
If you want people’s money and you don’t want an answer, don’t ask the question.

What kind of a question is “what do you like most in a woman?” anyway? Doesn’t that depend on the woman? Or is E-Harmony saying all women are the same? I will tell her – not you – what I like in a woman, after I have met and interacted with her. Not before. Is that an acceptable answer, you idiots? The only thing all women are guaranteed to have in common is ownership of a vagina. So until a man has met her, “dick” is a perfectly acceptable answer – and really the only sane answer. What ELSE would he like in woman he’s never met?

We’re not ordering a pizza, here.
Who writes those moronic questions?

Occasionally – on long weekends – E-Harmony generously offers a “free communication weekend”! Imagine that, you lucky dog. Instead of paying, you get to electronically communicate with women – for FREE! “Why would they make it free?”, you ask. Great question! After all, 51% of people are women. That means in your everyday life, even if you don’t want to communicate with women, you are more likely to communicate with a woman. They are everywhere! Like trashcans are everywhere.

But E-Comedy is selling you the idea that you should feel fortunate to be able to type to females online for no charge. Isn’t that amazing? After attempting to sell men ideas like 15 reasons to date a single mother, they believe they are doing you a “favor” at giving you the opportunity to support another man’s child. And as long as you act like “the father”, if it doesn’t work out with her, the anti-family courts will make sure you pay monthly until that child is 18 – when it’s not even yours.

But don’t you worry, you’ll still be able to pay monthly to type to other women too. So don’t let that put you off.

Some time ago, we took E-YourMoney up on their offer in the name of research.

Here’s how it works…

During your very well-earned free time (and assuming you have nothing better and have made no plans for the weekend), you can sign up and spend 2+ hours answering a seemingly endless list of questions …. so a woman across the internet can decide if you are worth meeting and talking to in person. How awesome is that!

Your credit card & personal information is required to type to women, but yes, technically, it’s “free” for a couple of days. The entire process is strictly regulated. You will answer pages of carefully-constructed questions designed so they can try to figure you out…. and only IF your answers meet with their approval, they will ALLOW you to type to women. Amazing.

But not immediately. After all that, you will have to wait to be “approved” first. This won’t happen until possibly following morning. Patience is key. When typing to women is free, you can’t just browse freely like you would expect or contact her with an e-message that you wrote yourself. No no. It doesn’t work like that, mister.

So you’d better make your answers GOOD. You know…. give them something women really like, like maybe mention you loved the book 50 Shades of Rape. When you wake the next morning, if you’re lucky, E-harmony will give you a list of one (or two) women you MAY communicate electronically with. No, you didn’t choose her, but just work with them here. You may now indicate that you wish to communicate with her, and you can choose from a few sets of 6 pre-written questions. You are selected to suit her, and not the other way around. It’s like a job interview, but there is no mention of salary, vacation time or benefits.

No, you didn’t write the questions either – they did – but you can send her any set of questions you want to ask her. She may even do the same for you. In our example, a woman who wanted to communicate with us asked “what kind of wine should you drink with a fish/seafood dinner?”. We answered: “I will drink whatever I feel like with any dinner”… and she cut the communication. [Sniff]. It seems the idea of a man drinking whatever he wants with a meal didn’t meet with her approval, so we cancelled before they could take our money.

The rejection was just too devastating.

But hey, don’t knock it. It worked out for the lucky bald simp above! He found the PERFECT single mother. She was looking for a   wallet   man for her and her son, and as fortune would have it, he foot the bill. Hair was obviously not on her list of strict requirements, and he said she is “perfect”. A match made in cyber-heaven. There’s a good bet there’s a single mother out there for you too.

So drop your weekend plans and digitally communicate with a perfect single mother – for free – today!

The world desperately needs a sarcasm font.

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