Do Women Apologize Too Much?

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Company: Proctor&Gamble™ / Pantene®
Stock Symbol: PG/NYSE
Recommendation: Strong SELL
Position: No more.

When it comes to Men investing in the market, we firmly believe in doing our own DD (due diligence), and when we saw this commercial, we questioned whether or not it is wise to continue holding PG – or to dump it.

Appealing to the darkest unused corners of female psyche, haircare brand Pantene® loudly broadcasts the question “Why are women always apologizing?”. OK, Stop. “Always”? What do they mean by “always”? The very question implies women somehow “always” know and admit when they are wrong – and openly acknowledge it.

( Yes, please try to contain your laughter. They are a Fortune 500 Company. )

By “always”, perhaps they mean the 75% of the time she flakes on a date, and doesn’t offer to make it up to you at her expense? Or, maybe they are referring to when she screams “wage gap” whenever a man works more hours? Or, perhaps women are always apologizing when they take 1/2 of her husband’s assets which she had nothing to do with earning – in a divorce which she initiated – and 100% of the time she will give not-one-red-cent of it back because she was “sorry”. When Erin Woods was bad in bed and beat her husband with a golf club, who apologized? Tiger did. With 1/4-of-a-billion dollars.

No man ever collected $5 for that.
So why is Pantene® pretending women are always apologizing?

Are they drinking it too?

You know it’s a troubled economy when brands like Pantene® have to scrape to such phenomenal, barrel-scraping lows to sell more freakin’ shampoo. What’s the matter Pantene, too many other brands exactly like yours that clean hair for less money? No problem. Here’s how you generate more sales from women. It follows a simple and totally predictable formula as regular as her period. Make her look like a perfect little victim of everything, and make him look like a non-contributing, non-existent bozo-the-clown who is too stupid to pick up on it.

The Fantasy

First, phrase the question as if it’s a universally-accepted absolute truth.
This is how to get stupid sheeple to accept a false reality.

Then, don’t make it about shampoo at all. Pretend you’re selling a useless degree in Women’s Studies. Accuse women of being so unrealistically gracious, courteous, polite and well-mannered …. then take it so overboard, that you virtually insult them by implying they are directly creating a huge societal problem by being “too friendly, conscientious and kind”. ( “If the lie is big enough, they will believe it” – Hitler ). Then have Pantene® pander to the damsels, granting every woman license to behave like an inconsiderate and rude little brat toward any man she interacts with. At work. At home. In bed. In a marriage. At the abortion clinic….. and then, finish it off with an un-loving bride who proudly announces that she is “sorry not sorry” to leave her husband in the cold in his own bed, as you fade to black and watch him grovel for whatever crumbs of warmth his frigid ice queen will let him have.

Perfect. Let them think it’s called “shining strong”, and those dozey broads will buy it by the trough.

The Reality

Now, since we – as Men – are hip to this jive, Pantene® should make sure no Man ever sees this crap. Or we will start to be “not sorry” about leaving the toilet seat up, and everyone knows how that makes grown women cry. It upsets them so much, they will even ruin family gatherings over it. Just because women are insane enough to drag their man to court for being “too nice” doesn’t mean you force that psychosis on the rest of humanity. Especially your investors. Understand? Good. We will dump that stock like an anchor. NOW.

A man will spend $2 on a $1 item he needs.
A woman will waste $1 on a $2 item she doesn’t need – just because it was 50% off.
(Where’s her apology to the less-fortunate?)

Of all the things women do “too much” of …. like maxing out credit cards to soothe their aching self-esteem, crying when nothing is wrong, not crying when they are, using their children as leverage, eating when they are not hungry, binge-drinking, confusing regret with “rape” or buying over-priced products…. Pantene™ believes saying “sorry” when she interrupts a closed-door meeting is inappropriate female behavior. Specifically, inappropriate female behavior.

Observe the opener: “Can I ask a stupid question?”
That IS a stupid question. She should apologize for insulting her own intelligence before running her mouth.

A man sits next to her in a row of tightly-placed chairs and nudges elbows? Why does she feel the need to pull her elbow away? Maybe he’s getting in the way of her anti-social behavior as she furiously tweets how there are no men around, even though there’s one seated next to her who’s elbow she avoids like hashtag #ebola.

( … or is it because he’s white? )

• Women are not even “sorry” for creating the the viral hashtag #killallmen using the very platform created by Men.
• Women not even “sorry” for tweeting how men who are not born over 6′ tall should suicide themselves.
• 50 Milion abortions in the US since 1973 alone. 3500 per day. One BILLION worldwide.

There’s your insight on how overly-apologetic women are. The above commercial implies women are conscientious and caring of others enough to say “sorry” in the first place – to the point of it being a “problem”. Women aren’t even “sorry” when they are shown to be totally wrong. When was the last time a woman apologized to you for that? 1964? Comparatively, stealing the covers would be polite.

Sorry?

Merely saying “sorry” doesn’t indicate remorse. We know this by their natural ability to muster up tears at the drop of a hat – and not being sorry when she should be. The word is utterly meaningless to them.

We recently came across a slew of “YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!” videos from the trashy Maury Povich show. These are women who attempt to perpetrate the worst imaginable fraud, and female voters keep this legal in all 50 states and Canadian provinces – even though it’s unconstitutional and forced slavery. Not one of them says “sorry” when its discovered that she is plotting and deceitful while trying to pin in on the wrong guy.  Instead, they turn on the waterworks and run off into the hallway looking for the waaaaaaahmbulance because they didn’t get away with it. Even when she is busted and shown clear documentation of his vasectomy proving he couldn’t possibly be the father, she will maintain an air of superiority no matter WTF, or what-the-fact.

Sorry?

It costs $250,000 to raise the average child to 18.
They should be begging for forgiveness.

Why shouldn’t the one who passes her child off to “the father” be sorry? After all, DNA test results confirm there is a high probability the kid is not even his. He’s carrying 216 monthly payments already (for a kid that’s not even his!) and female voters want him thrown in prison when he can’t make her payments. Punching out a “sorry” is not like punching out a bastard child, ladies. It’s the very least you can be.

If anything, women could afford to say “sorry” of being a burden on society and tax-payers a little more often. Or carry the kid yourself, single mommies.

Not sorry.

Pantene would have a hard time proving women apologize enough. Never mind “always”. As if the media didn’t push enough of this “women are perfect and men are stupid thoughtless assholes” nonsense… now they attempt to profit by pretending women are “TOO” perfect and need to fix it pronto. Perhaps the marketing department should also produce a commercial selling Pantene® as mouthwash. You could even convince her to consume twice as much of it, while “empowering” her to behave like a rude bitch! How awesome is that! Why sell her just one, when she will buy two for twice the price? Ka-ching!

Sorry. We thought of it first.

However, we have decided to dump our shares of PG at the current all-time-high, and appreciate all the money from all the stupid women who bought into this nonsense over the years. Thanks for your money ladies. Make the check out to “Men. Going. Their. (that’s e before i) Own. Way.”

If anyone asks why you’re selling, just tell them: “because I’m worth it”.

Enjoy The Decline.

*With this kind of desperate marketing there can be no room for growth. We recommend other options like investing in Big Pharma (i.e anti-depressants for women), wine, and catfood like Purina/Nestle. Remember, never make stock purchase or sales decisions based on anything but your own mind, and always do your own DD.

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